Saturday, October 28, 2006

Politically Correct Nursery Rhymes

I'm a size challenged teapot, small in stature and generous of girth
Here is my non-judgemental holding device and here is my non-pressurised,
safety device enabled, fluid releasing orifice
When I feel temperature augmented and in need of external expression

then I exclaim in an elevated decibel, yet non-threatening verbal tone
Adjust my angle and release my non-caffeinated, dairy free organic contents.

Sing a song of sixpence, the RSPCA
Freed a flock of birdies before they got flambéed
Prosecute the despot who likes his snacks to tweet
And force him to restrict his fare to humane organic meat
The king was in his counting-house, reviewing the GST
The queen was in the parlour, undermining democracy
The maid was in the garden, protesting IRC reforms
When along came the Sedition Act and asked her to conform.

Little miss muffet
sat on her tuffet
eating her curds and whey
along came a spider and sat down beside her
and got hit with a harassment law suit and a restraining order

3 visually impaired rodents
3 visually impaired rodents
see how they run, see how they run
they all ran after the agriculturalist's life partner
who in a non-aggressive way advised then they were invading her personal space
have you ever heard such a thing in your life as
3 visually impaired rodents.

Baa baa non-predominantly hued ruminant mammal,
Have you any delightful protective outer covering for sale at a fair
and reasonable price?

Yes non-gender specific manager, yes non-gender specific manager,
three aged challenged females with slightly unfriendly personas full.
One for the non-gender specific manager,
one for his or her non-gender specific partner,
(not that there's anything wrong with that),
And one for the youthful non-gender specific, vertically challenged individual
who lives down the lane.

Georgie-Porgie, pudding 'n' pie,
kiss the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play,
Georgie-Porgie was slammed with a sexual harassment suit.

Vertically challenged Jack Horner
sat in the socially accepted timeout space
eating his highly nutritious, low fat, gluten free snack.
He stuck in his diametrically opposed digit
and pulled out a fruit of the P. domestica species
and said "What a good non female person of younger age, am I?"

Mary had a dimensionally-challenged-but-no-less-useful-to-society lamb,
Its fleece was as rainbow as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb chose to follow, out of its own free will
not because it felt compelled to by the mores of a patriarchal phallus-centred
society that seeks dominance over non-human life forms.

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